i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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