You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.