will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.