Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
