Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
