This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
