oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
