I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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