guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
