i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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