I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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