i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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