Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
