eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
