his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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