Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
