i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
