My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
