If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
