The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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