Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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