Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
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