Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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