do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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