Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
