so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
