things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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