I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
