The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
me + whiskey = a bad person
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
