don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
