Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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