Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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