I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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