We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
