I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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