So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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