Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
