Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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