we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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