my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
