Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
