she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
