just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
