you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
