Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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