Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
