i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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