I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
