I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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