What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
