Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
