I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
