so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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