she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
