I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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