Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
