i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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