i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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