I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just googled if crying burns calories
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
