i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
