Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
