it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
