I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
