Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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