Christians are straight up FREAKS
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
