Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
