i just google imaged poop.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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