So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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