i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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