i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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