I can text with my tongue
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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