Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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