Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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