for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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