Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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