weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Enjoy the penises
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
