somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
