Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
