Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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