I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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