Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
